Liquor Store Ain’t Open, So I Gave Dwight Some 2011 French wine. He will probably butcher the lawn at 2pm.

This a logo I did for my first cigar box album that is unrealeased  theschizokid 2011

This a logo I did for my first cigar box album that is unrealeased theschizokid 2011

Got up mega early after working all damn day yesterday. I remember trying to get a tour of the US hyperbolic three master eh..that snooty Blonde lady at the dock wouldn’t let me on board. Typical US arrogance.You want to see real troops, go to fucking Australia. They are the only ones that are more rough and insane than the Canadian troops. “AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE”. These commandos from “Downunder” could “out drink”, “out fuck” and “out fight” the fucking Irish. Had a burger down “Flavor On The Water” and haggled with Louis to print those DOOM METAL TRIBUNE tees. He added a couple modifications that blew my socks off. Thanks Louis man.  I asked for 5 or 6 feet of those fucking stickers that I will plaster onto fucking Canada Post mail boxes. Like I said to the mega cool UPS British owner, Fucking Canada Post and the US Postal Service are so fucking terrible that they will go under mark my fucking words…Inefficient, slow and government run, Triple fuckin’ whammy eh. The only reason they still exist at all is to give patronage jobs to dickless conservatives right?? Yes, and fucking “Zee Germans” were leading Algeria, or “Algiers” in the world cup match when I left to try to get a boat tour. “Algiers” was a French colony when The French were trying to colonize the planet and defeat the British. Well, Napoleon was a genius, but he was also a fucking psychopath of epic proportions. I read a novel published by his wife Josephine ages ago. It just shows the duality of man. This guy was five feet one, but had more balls than a fucking Bison. A military genius. The French are passionate people…Americans do not understand…look, when I am road raging my way to Sobeys and waving my hands and cursing my head off, it ain’t my fault, I am passionate and fucking French..we are a bit excitable to say the least. Napoleon’s wife’s letter reveal the yin to his yang. You get a window into the life and how deeply he loved this woman. It almost brought me to tears when I read it. It shows all you macho men that a real man tells a woman how he fucking really feels, and this is not weak, it is being a real person. I am passionate, and I ain’t made of stone.

Seen a Native dude and his girlfriend strolling up Bentinck street rocking a red mowhawk and I was commenting about how sometimes people, even 36 year old career artists, are given 5 hour old bottom of the pot crap with no fucking cream at the drive thru. I tipped  a dollar fifty for no cream and get gawked at. “FUCK NO”. I got a free coffee coupon from the elderly woman working the cash. She is probably trying to add to her seniors pension which ain’t enough for a fucking crow to live on, so I don’t blame her. Realistically, I blame society for being “Dickwads”. I already applied to 4 galleries this morning and emailed a couple literary editors and Indie publishers and it isn’t even 10am. I plan to promote my work from breakfast until I fucking sleep. I am mega hungry for this…I am going for it big time…And I whiffed that RCA alarm clock in the truck of the Toyota..I want to smash it good. But I also don’t want people to phone the fucking cops. So my plan is to get someone, Possibly Corey Katz, my photographer, to come out into the woods somewhere and film the catharsis in action. I am going to fucking destroy this piece of garbage. It will be pulverized to shrapnel. Maybe whiff a hyperbolic Norse amulet on top of it to make sure it doesn’t make it to RCA heaven.

Tiff, if you want your email addy or contact info on my forthcoming website, it is as good as done girl. I figure If I succeed, every single friend of mine gets “MEGA FUCKIN PAID” and when I say “Mega” I mean fucking mega…CB is gonna flourish and I am fucking spearheading the dynamiting of that fucking causeway. We set up A Ferry with a hyperbolic cable, just don’t get that idiot Italian ship captain who crashed the boat while trying to get laid. Haha, you moron. Besides, Salmon Rushdie is the Ferry captain. I am making his fucking cloak as we speak. “Hey Salmon, you five four or so ?” Maggie’s cloak for me is in the works. But trust me man, she can make clothes like a demon. I have three dresses. One for mom and a couple for Breagh. Working towards my web launch. I figure, spread the fucking wealth, ain’t that the fucking premise of socialism…BAM!!!

Just because I have a different lifestyle, does not mean I am a bad person. It means that I am a liberal. “LIBERTY.”  I take my artistic and personal freedom seriously. People bandy around the word “freedom” like it is a fucking Bingo scratch ticket or a cup of fucking coffee. Thousands of people died, that’s right died, to give us this freedom that does not even fucking really exist now does it? I am working my ass off, and idiot conservatives sit on their asses and pray once a fucking week, then eat McDonald’s or the fucking “The Kitchen Sink” from the fucking “Bonnie Prince.” Ok, what are we doing after the fucking deep fried crap, watching the “WWE” match, or are we going to take target practice on half hazardly whiffed together paper targets with Obama’s face on it ? All Rednecks are a total waste of Oxygen. They have zero knowledge, zero education, and they are chaulk fucking full of rascist, bigotted, backward fox news opinions. These mud pit fucks are so drunk on Jesus and Guns, that they fail to see that they are the ones myself and my talented, hard working artist friends laugh about in private. Why on earth do you think I want to move to Western Europe or Scandinavia ? They don’t put up with that shit. Pro-God, Pro-hate, Anti-gay, Anti-Socialist, Anti-everything. YOU PEOPLE ARE RUINING IT FOR THE REST OF THE SANE CITIZENS. So, when are we taking the god damned wrecking ball to “Simeon’s” and fucking “Ziggy’s?”  I think Jonathan Kanary suggested playing the Thursday open mic. “NOPE”, never gonna happen man. Great places to eat, if you enjoy getting heart palpitations or need to get the fucking shits for two days. I will personally do it the old school way too. None of these hyperbolic cranes or fucking hypo mega explosives… No, No the old fashioned way. A couple sledge hammers, some safety goggles and some angry socialist artists, I will pay them red fucking seal union fucking wages too.

I joked to the redneck sweeping up litter from lazy fat stupid morons too lazy to walk half a fucking foot to the garbage next to the fucking squeegee rig and the windshield fluid jugs, that I was setting a Canadian flag on fire later for “Canada day.” He said quote, “Are you allowed to do that?” Point proven buddy. Of course I fucking can, however I need more “Stryper” posters to make sure it burns well. Man look, I would not shell out the fucking 20 bones for a flag anyways you idiot. I am going to work my ass off instead. “Canada Day ?”, whatever man. To me, it is just another mega busy work day being an artist.  Dwight, please don’t polish off that French wine, then come back drunk at 11am to butcher the lawn. Make sure you drink a couple shots of whiskey as well first. Mangle ‘er good man. Happy Canada Day folks. I will be in the middle of nowhere in my shitbox wailing on that RCA alarm clock with a big fucking smile on my face.

The Schizo Kid

July 1st, Canada Day



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